I'm a touch cautious about writing this as I know the very distinct possibility that none of the following may be true in a matter of a few days, but considering that this blog is read by a faithful few who love and care for Dacian and myself I thought you may want to know.
I have absolutely no idea what I am doing. Many people asked me while Dacian was pregnant whether or not I was ready; I now know the answer to be a resounding no. It feels like my entire world has been turned on it's end and nothing is the same as it once was. The house is a mess, we are exhausted, anxiety is a constant companion, and every small thing seems amplified tenfold. We've even been sleeping in the living room more often than the bedroom because it is warmer in there and think the baby will be more comfortable. Finding anything that resembles what I remember as a normal part of life I find to be a treasure. I attended all the baby classes and feel pretty good about my ability to change a diaper, but I just did not have any clue life would be like this. Right now I'm laughing a how bizarre it all is, but there are moments when I'm just a nervous wreck. There is great comfort in Psalm 139 in that God knows me. Even though I feel like I don't know myself, God knows me intimately. There is something very relaxing and soothing in knowing that the God of the universe knows me and knows me well.
I know you may want to respond with comments telling me that things will get better or that all this is worth it in the end. To be honest I can't, and don't want to, think about the future. What I do want to hear is that all this abnormality is actually quite normal, and perhaps even a good sign.
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5 comments:
Duane, this is completely totally and utterly normal. I'd be worried about you if you didn't have these feelings. It's true, everything in your world has changed, and it will NEVER be the same-scary, huh? Those first few weeks, you just don't know how to cope. Nothing-not child birth classes, stories from friends, or even watching someone go through it can prepare you for the huge changes you are going through.
Go with your daddy/mommy instincts. If you think that sleeping the living room will keep him warmer then do it. Caleb slept on our chests for the first 3 weeks of life. Doctors tell you not to do it, and it probably isn't the safest thing in the world, but it was the ONLY way he would sleep-and so we did what we had to do to survive.
The first few weeks is about survival. Not thriving or doing your "best", just surviving. And I know you don't want to hear this part, but one morning you will wake up and realize that things have gotten better-even if it's just that you learned to live with that lack of sleep.
Call us if you need anything-even if it's just Chuck giving you advice on how to deal with a hormonal, irrational wife and mother.... :)
-Michelle
If you would like to sleep in the bedroom, you can open the vents a little more in the bedroom and close the vents a little more in the living room until you get the temperature to equalize.
You are probably just as normal as I am. Does that help?
See you at prayer tonight!
Welcome to the club. You won't know what you are doing for atleast another 6 months and then he will be in a new stage you know nothing about and the stuff that you just mastered won't really aply any more. All you can do is pray, read, research and ask. Then do your best. Try to be creative and have fun. Also, try to adjust the baby to your life as much as possible (also read, "get back in your bed!"). You need good sleep. Buy a space heater if you have to or put more clothes on the baby.
Duane you are and will be a great dad and even if you mess something up you will not ruin Alex for life. Try to enjoy this time as much as possible (easier said than done, I know).
-Travis
What you need to hear is change and growth is good but it is stretching your frame of reference. But remember, you are BOLD and bold men become vulnerable to those things that they love and protect. Yes, this is normal and the Father is overwhelming you with blessings form on high!!!! Take it captive and relish these days even if the challenge is scary and rocking your creature comfort. That is how one matures! And remember brother, you are BOLD!!!!!
Oh how I would love to relive those days, even though everything felt totally OUT OF CONTROL. Why would I like to go back? Because I now know all the joy and adventure I would have to look forward to, and it would be wonderful to do it all again. God does amazing things with inexperienced, frightened people. Remember Moses, David, Mary and Joseph, to name a few? Be of good courage, the best is yet to come. Think of this as your initiation into parenthood. We all had to go though it, but being in the "club" is worth it.
Mama Bear a.k.a. Starla
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